The Family That Slays Together
by WednesdaysChild451208
Summary: Abigail reacts differently to finding out about Mike. Rated T because It's How To Be a Serial Killer. Bart x Mike subtext if you squint.


**Hi, this is an AU of How To Be a Serial Killer. Enjoy. **

Abigail looked over the bloody clothes she had spread over her and Mike's bed in bemusement. _Just my luck, out of all the guys I could have ended up with I found a serial killer._

Mike had just arrived after dropping Bart off at his home. He realized that something was off when Abigail came from the bedroom.

She was smiling with a wicked gleam in her eyes. "Baby, come look at what I found."

Mike followed her into the bedroom worriedly. _What did Abigail find? Surely she wouldn't be acting like this if- she found the vault._

Abigail put her arms around his neck. "You really shouldn't keep these here. My last boyfriend found mine, so I killed him. I'm glad he did though. Otherwise I wouldn't have met you. She leaned forward and kissed him.

Mike was ecstatic. His girlfriend had discovered his secret hobby, and wasn't freaking out. On the contrary, she was thrilled that they shared serial killing as a common interest.

A little while later, Mike had made them a romantic dinner in celebration of the evening's revelations. He opened a bottle of champagne and made a toast. "To us!"

"To us, and to serial killing, for bringing us together."

_Clink. _"Cheers."

The next day Mike was getting ready to leave when Abigail woke up. "Where are you off to Mikey?"

"I need to go get the lesson of the day for young Bart."

"Lesson?"

"I'm teaching Bart how to be a serial killer. He's my protege."

Abigail smiled and walked over to the dresser. "That sort of makes him your son."

"Yes, it does." _Where is she going with this?_

"Well, seeing as you already have a son, it's only right that we get married." She opened a drawer and presented Mike with a ring. Abigail got down on one knee. "Mike, will you marry me?"

"Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!" He picked her up and spun her around the room.

A few hours later Bart had gotten worried about Mike and went to his apartment. "Hey Mike, are you OK?"

"Yeah, why?"

"It's just that uh, you did't show up for our lesson, or for lunch."

Mike face palmed. "I'm sorry Bart it's just that-"

Abigail came up from behind him and wrapped her arms around Mike's waist. "Hi Bart." She could barely contain her excitement at losing 'the other woman,' as she had come to think of him, and gaining a son.

Bart waved awkwardly. "Hello."

She laughed. "No one would ever guess that you were on your way to becoming a serial killer."

It was a good thing Bart wasn't drinking anything. "W-what?"

Mike put an arm around Bart's shoulders and led him inside. "Come on in Bart, we have a lot to talk about."

Bart noticed a pile of various kinds of weapons on their coffee table. "Aw sweet, guns! What are the guns for?"

"Abigail and I are going to celebrate our engagement tonight. Want to join us?

"En-engagement?" When it sunk in Bart sat down hard, bringing Mike down with him. "Congratulations, to both of you." He said finally.

**_NO! NO! NO! NO! With Abigail as his wife and partner Mike won't need me anymore and he'll leave and slash or kill me. I DON'T WANT TO BE ALONE!_**

"Bart, what's the matter? Aren't you really happy for me?" Mike asked, giving that look that always made Bart feel the man was peering into his soul.

It always made Bart feel special and warm inside, and despite the circumstances it did it's magic this time too. _No matter what I'll always be there for Mike however he needs me. And if he wants to solve the problem by murdering the hypotenuse, what better way to die than to be killed by Mike?_

"Oh I am happy for you Mike, it's just that...**I'lldoanythingyouwantjustpleasedon'tleaveme!**"

Mike quickly reached out, put his hands around Bart's neck, and pulled him close. "Bart, whatever put that stupid thought into your head?"

_Murder the hypotenuse it is then._ Bart slammed his eyes shut and tried to focus on the pleasant feeling of Mike touching him. That his hands were on him for the purpose of strangling him to death was irrelevant.

"Open your eyes Bart."

Bart did and was instantly transfixed by the Look.

"You. Are. Mine. I would never leave you." Mike said in a quiet voice that dared Bart to doubt him.

It was exactly what Bart needed to hear; he nodded his belief in Mike's words.

Mike removed one hand from his neck and used the other to push Bart's head onto his shoulder and to pet his hair.

That night, the new family invited some friends over for dinner for their celebration. They had a wonderful reception at Mike's shack and went on an extended honeymoon in Mexico.

**Murder the hypotenuse is a thing off of TV Tropes, and yes the friends over for dinner thing was a Silence of the Lambs reference. I own nothing, nothing! No even the Schultz thing.**


End file.
